“What if we gave countries their freedom, then conquered them again?” The generals looked down at their feet. Tatsız bir zafer yemeğinde bir tavuk kemiği boğazına takılmış, su içmek için bardağa uzanırken fare kapanına, sonra bir diğerine, sonra bir başkasına takılmıştı. Even like this, he conquered India.When Alexander started out, the world was fresh and new, begging to be conquered. Fethedilecek hiçbir şey kalmamıştı.Alexander smashed every army sent against him, slaughtering thousands. “What about this area over here?” he said, pointing to an unshaded part of the map.İskender bu işe başladığında dünya taze ve yeniydi, fethedilmek için yalvarıyordu. Then form the ashes into the shape of me. Jack Handey Is the Envy of Every Comedy Writer in America.The New York Times profiles funny guy Jack Handey as his first work of fiction, The Stench of Honolulu, goes on sale tomorrow. He woke up from sleepwalking one morning to discover that he had conquered Egypt. On yaşında, üzerinde sadece külotla, bütün Yunanistan’ı aldı. As he reached for a glass of water, he touched off a mousetrap, then another, and another. A last will and testament by Jack Handey. This firework is a life-size teen-ager made out of cardboard. Jack Handey is a solidly built man of 64 with a swoop of graying hair; when he smiles, his teeth are blindingly white. İstihkâmcılarıyla sedef kaplama kapıları zayıflatmış, zırhlı filleriyle içeri dalarak azizleri ve melekleri ezmişti. Gets attention at parties and bars but also starts fights.When treasure chest is opened, a chemical “burn” causes the inside to light up with a brightness equal to that of the surface of the sun. Once activated, shoots little torpedoes that explode when they strike pool walls. Jack Handey / The New Yorker / 12.03.2012 ALEXANDER THE GREAT Alexander the Great hung his head. Bir tanesi öksürdü.There had been difficulties, to be sure. He travelled to the moon with thirty hand-chosen men, holding their breath. At a raucous victory dinner, a chicken bone became stuck in his throat. He has written several humor books, including, most recently, “Please Stop the Deep Thoughts.”The sleeping aid that looks and tastes like wine and comes in a bottle that looks like a wine bottle.The mechanical insect that can draw blood from a patient by sneaking up and jamming its metal proboscis into the person’s neck.The secret library wall that slides open to reveal even more fascinating books.The rearview mirror that cannot see someone sitting in the back seat.The self-camouflaging banana peel.The fast-growing strangle vine.The flashlight so powerful that it should be pointed only down at the ground.The hammock that, when you lie in it, automatically tightens around you. Sit on it, light fuse. Eventually, there were no more people left to conquer.“Aldık efendim” dedi biri.“You conquered that last week,” his top general said. Jack Handey's articles at The New Yorker; Kois, Dan (July 21, 2013). NEW YORK — Jack Handey thinks dinosaurs are overrated. Büyük Pers İmparatorluğunu yok etmeye tamamen çıplak ve sarhoş halde gitti. Generaller başta buna inanmadı, ama cesedi ortaya çıkınca gördüler ki hala sımsıkı kılıcını tutuyordu ve üzerinde yeni diktirdiği uzay elbisesi vardı. He has written several humor books, including, most recently, “Please Stop the Deep Thoughts.”
Why Me?”“Prairie Dogs: Cute but No Help”“Heading Back East: Sadder but Wiser”“When the Drag Ends and the Dust Settles: A Time for Reflection” )Handey, of course, is best known for his Deep Thoughts, and for his SNL sketches, including the classic Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. Powerful rockets propel it around lawn at high speed, shooting out green sparks.Strings of tiny firecrackers with pops so high-pitched they can be heard only by dogs.Strap helmet to head.