However, I'm a little unclear about the idea of "cool processing" and determining the "why" instead of the "what" when describing my feelings. Its time to stop dying and start living again.No one lives in a vacuum. Friends think blocking the phone is the best idea but they don’t realize I need to choose the lesser of the two evils. You aren't alone and can feel better with time. Best, PegI am in the midst of the getting my life back.
This kind of hot processing isn't healthy or beneficial. But just like belly buttons: there are innies, and there are outies~ givers and takers.Your comments really struck me. However, some people, especially if they were abused/neglected as children, become overwhelmed when they experience those same emotions.
Don’t answer badmouthing, keep a record of it. Then I just unblock the phone because I’d rather be bombarded with texts and calls then have him stalking me physically. More so than any healthy relationship which is another reason it was hard to stay away even though the rest of us was so unhealthy. Also the bombardment of intensely romantic and poetic compliments, mostly related to attractiveness, yet not being valued as a person.
Him showing up is more difficult for me and makes me more likely to cave with hoovering as you called it in your definitions.
I love his family and miss his kids and grandkids, miss sleeping beside him, I’m always told he’s suffering without me and it’s all in my control to being us back together.
It’s easy to feel a sense of shame not only about those actions we took that were overtly out of character but in general about the fact that it took us so long to leave. This will continue until you are either totally destroyed and discarded or walk away yourself, which I found next to impossible. Knowing the pathology you are dealing with puts things in healthy perspective. One helpful site is http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php/board,2.0.html.There may be a spiritual component to this dynamic of predator/prey, empathy/narc/apath, codependent/ jerk :)...He was mean and the things he said to me were horrible.
How does anyone trust after this?"
After giving for 14+ yrs, it is very difficult to accept that my time with this person will never come. I should be happy. He denies it and then there’s no framework to problem solve.
Six years in, no kids, and I wanted out and he went insane. I write about the subject, though not from the narcissistic point of view.
I wasn't good enough, smart enough, lovable, it goes on and on. Why? Divorce took nearly three years and the courts and just added hoops to jump through until I was even more broken. He has made my life a living hell.
The only difference is that he is not living in my house.
Then he left a week after our daughter's 5th birthday and our joint checking account furnished his apartment and paid the security deposit on it.Hi Kay, This idea is drawn from a research article. It was not until I read a book about “letting go” that I was able to move forward. These people need engagement and a sense of power; deprive them of it and they will have to find another target. She cane into their relationship with cats (he despises cats) and a little dog. anyway there is a big difference between "people who do selfish things" and NPD. I don't subscribe to such a psychoanalytical approach to recovery. Naming is necessary. Most of the information I find online is about dating a narcissist, which has to be bent and contorted to fit into what it was like to be raised by them.Once I read about NPD and understood that I was not dealing with a rational person, things got better.